The Dog that wasn't.

"So silently, just walk with me,

Like any other day.

No sad goodbyes, no tears, no lies,

Just go our separate ways."

You have enriched my insight, made me know what matters and what doesn't in this massacre of life. I wish you could speak and tell me how you felt about me but I am even more glad you couldn't. There are a lot of things I wanted to tell you, make you understand but I guess.. you knew.

I'll never forget your black almond eyes, your sluggish mouth with pointy. still- underdeveloped teeth. Your coffee fur that shined in the sun and your smile that made me forget about all my sorrows. You were a pathetic dog but it makes my heart heavy to know the fact that maybe, just maybe, I won't be able to see you ever again, neither hear you bark, squeal, nor run round me happily as if I am the most tasty treat you could ever find.

It is sad, yeah, I hope your new folks keep you happy and healthy and happy and much much more happy.

 You came and you went in and out of my life, farewell my friend, my lover. I'll look for your reflection in every canine's eyes, I'll never forget you.

2 AM

I'd never seen such beauty in his eyes,
filled with love, regret and smoke from the cigarette.
tears trying to be held back like
a ship sailing through a tempest.
from his black, juicy thick lips he said,
"You're the sun, I'm just a silhouette,
dazzling and blinding, you take away my
colors.
go over the horizon, I need to
see myself again."
His silence spoke to me for hours,
I'd never heeded him with such
devotion before.

Lost

On a silent night,
I sat there in a chair.
I could hear the clock tick,
A train pass somewhere in the distance.
I stood up, ran upto the terrace
Looked up at the night skies 
And questioned why the stars 
Stared at me with such disgust.
Hands over my head, knees stretched
I screamed into a void filled with infinities of possibilities, hoping
The God of the Abyss will lend me a sword.
Hoping the wind would take me 
Bit by bit
Like ashes and dust.
I opened my eyes,
The clock had struck an eleven,
The train was too far away now.

Untitled.

Siding with the sorrows,
Mending tools for folly,
Trying to run this world on foot
Not on money,
A little bravery here,a bit of
Foolishness there.
-Maliha

The enigma

What’s down the road?
Where no one ever goes
Filled with grief and sorrow
But even bliss as it might too.
While my mind resents the idea
My heart reasons that I should
Go down the road
Where no one ever goes
Does it really matter?
Which path I choose;
Because I stand in an enigma:
Why is my heart thinking?
And brain feeling?
A questionable road;
A questionable soul
So
I must go down the road
Where no one ever goes
Maybe we both will find
The answer, who knows?

-Maliha Ansari 

What it is like to be me.

What it is like to be me

(In this article, the “I” refers to a common person. And this post refers to how it feels to be one of the hoi polloi)

Somehow yet miraculously, till now, I have not given up listening to the voices in my head that time after time, lead me, unfailingly, onto the path of failure. Maybe, that’s who I am: stubborn.

I am an extraordinarily average person. I am, most of the time, not even sure who I really am. Now, what does the phrase, ‘not even sure who I really am’ actually mean? I am not sure. Maybe, that’s what I am: confused.

Always wanting more than what I presently possess, my greediness and hunger to achieve the infinity might not get me to the Heavens for my selfishness is often followed by the degradation of mankind. One value at a time. Maybe that’s what I aspire for: ignorance.

I am a true believer, from the bottom of my heart, I believe in the existence of the Holy. Perhaps only that. I claim I sometimes feel that He’s watching and guiding me albeit I can never be sure. How can He see and I can’t? Maybe that’s what I am always capable of: doubt.

I am compared. It’s the always-to-be-blamed human nature! I couldn't really get adjusted to it; now it hardly makes a difference but it matters somehow and when you are not on the better side, even more. Maybe that’s where I stand: Nowhere near the top.

Even if I practice it, I can never achieve the perfect perfection despite my mother’s belief: I was born flawless already. Mothers tend to be like that. Speaking of mothers, there is one thing that I can be proud of regardless of my disparaging behavior and that’s Love.

Love is there, back in my mind all the time. I give it and take it all day; even then it’s never enough. Love is in me, I am so full of it and it happens to me all the time. When I look at a pup, fight with my mother, steal my pal’s lunch, hug my kitty, cry for getting dumped,It’s there. I don’t understand why or for what reason it ensues. I still believe that it has something to do with my heart, forgetting that the brain exists.

I can add as many adjectives that define a part of me, good and bad, but only to this article. It is difficult for me to change. I can’t even shed the last five pounds. Oh heck! But that’s only after I lost the 30 before. I can be determined to do something; only when I want to, really.

I dream. Dreams that I, unfortunately have come to realize, can never be achieved, keep me from sleeping. It doesn't stop me from performing the act itself. It’s only that far I can go towards achieving it. I don’t become an under achiever if I flunk some tests. It’s mainly because I have EPDD: Extensive Pursuit in achieving Desire Disorder. I love to write, sing, dance, draw, innovate, read, study, research and what not. I can make something out of myself, really, really great only if I first struggle through the wormhole into which I have fallen with so many others who drag me back right into it and then and only then, I see myself happy. But somehow, in the end, my dreams find me.

It is not about what I do in life because all I want is to be happy when I die, which as a matter of fact is dependent upon what I make out of myself. But then there is death and oblivion. What matters then?

So, when I am who I want to be, when I am aware as what I am and I know what I am capable of, when I stand where I deserve to and when I do something I love, only and only then, I will be me.

It feels like me. And it is not that bad.